Today is my last day at work.
Actually, I've been considering myself as unemployed for months now: My boss announced that she wasn't renewing my contract, and after a half hearted attempt to re-place me the talking heads involved in the transfer announced unambiguously that "actually it's not in our power to hire you". Uh huh.
For me, this meant that I spent a few uncomfortable months walking around like nothing but a ghost. My coworkers went through excruciating lengths to ignore me, and I happily returned the favor. My boss became afraid of me, and started to hide. I can't say I was disappointed.
One coworker is asking tons of personal questions, but I am avoiding him. How rude to show interest specifically on the last day... He rudely interrupted me yesterday by saying "we're not in the market place! Go get a coffee, some people have to work here!" as if it isn't his habit to chat loudly with his wife children at all hours of the day.
Another coworker wisely comments randomly about the finality of suicide, and looks sadly and mysteriously at me. I make fun of him later, but subtly, by telling him about a mythical suicidal uncle and his retirement plan. He doesn't find it funny, that's the point though.
The third was always the most human to me, and I suppose I'll miss him somewhat. He is overworked and quite distracted, but how can I feel sorry for him? He never trusted me to lighten his workload, if he had I might have ended up infinitely more happy. Happy and employed.
So finally the last day is here, and I feel quite a bit relieved... I know that soon I can surf the internet and do random research from the comfort of my own home.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Getting (and loosing) a Job Overseas - Month 3
In my third month, I was struggling under the load of some particularly dense busywork. Miha would forward me lists of hundreds of names and codes, and, since the codes were formed in an old system, he had me use a stupidly complex algorithm to find the new code. I asked him more than once, if this information is all in the database, why can't he just retrieve it there, instead of opeining to clients and doing a weird sequence of steps? He would answer that this is the fastest way he knows.
Fast forward. I know he was lying. A simple query would have saved hours of work and confusion. At the time I trusted him not to waste my soul on that kind of stupidity. Still, my creativity needed an outlet, so I programmed his ridiculous little algorithm, and would consistantly give him the results in under 10 minutes. He was sometimes confused, asking how I did it, but mostly he didn't care, he just gave me more and more lists. Later I learned that some of the boys in the data ware house were actually annoyed at him for giving me such mindless work. If only they knew that I wasn't even doing that much. I needed too much time for the process project.
And the process project was an exercise in patience. Nobody understood the process. It wasn't documented anywhere. The boss would call horribly unproductive meetings to discuss the process with people who didn't have any clue how the process went. We would program in the results, and they would be wrong. Then she would call another meeting with the same people to discuss the errors. Her method of problem solving was to never trust anybody. She was constantly asking one person what another person was doing.
The implementation of the process designer calls for a early success, a project understood by everybody which can be implemented quickly (in around a month or two) to foster the growth of knowledge of the tool and to help the end users understand the value and design of the program. Our method of working was to take forever to incorrectly implement a process which nobody understood. It was a colloseal failure right from the start, and in only a short time the whole project was abandoned.
What was my responsibility in this project? Good question. It's always good to examine failures in that way. My failure was being to timid. I assumed that in a business that size, it was vital not to make a process error in a vital business componant, and my behavior followed the hipocrates, my first goal was not to do any harm. For this reason, when told something by someone with more experience and better slovene than me, I would just accept it. The rules were far to convoluted for me to ever be sure enough about my understanding to rebel outright, so the most I ever did was to ask for a second opinion. Despite working in Organization there were no definitive documents on a single process in the bank.
Fast forward. I know he was lying. A simple query would have saved hours of work and confusion. At the time I trusted him not to waste my soul on that kind of stupidity. Still, my creativity needed an outlet, so I programmed his ridiculous little algorithm, and would consistantly give him the results in under 10 minutes. He was sometimes confused, asking how I did it, but mostly he didn't care, he just gave me more and more lists. Later I learned that some of the boys in the data ware house were actually annoyed at him for giving me such mindless work. If only they knew that I wasn't even doing that much. I needed too much time for the process project.
And the process project was an exercise in patience. Nobody understood the process. It wasn't documented anywhere. The boss would call horribly unproductive meetings to discuss the process with people who didn't have any clue how the process went. We would program in the results, and they would be wrong. Then she would call another meeting with the same people to discuss the errors. Her method of problem solving was to never trust anybody. She was constantly asking one person what another person was doing.
The implementation of the process designer calls for a early success, a project understood by everybody which can be implemented quickly (in around a month or two) to foster the growth of knowledge of the tool and to help the end users understand the value and design of the program. Our method of working was to take forever to incorrectly implement a process which nobody understood. It was a colloseal failure right from the start, and in only a short time the whole project was abandoned.
What was my responsibility in this project? Good question. It's always good to examine failures in that way. My failure was being to timid. I assumed that in a business that size, it was vital not to make a process error in a vital business componant, and my behavior followed the hipocrates, my first goal was not to do any harm. For this reason, when told something by someone with more experience and better slovene than me, I would just accept it. The rules were far to convoluted for me to ever be sure enough about my understanding to rebel outright, so the most I ever did was to ask for a second opinion. Despite working in Organization there were no definitive documents on a single process in the bank.
Getting (and loosing) a Job Overseas - Month 2
Things really heated up in my second 'working' month.
One change was that 'M', the balding young man, started giving me busywork. Most of it was horrible, and could easily have been programmed by somebody even halfway competent, so I learned how to program it myself. Basically, I had to debug rich formatted contract templates. Usually he would give me enough busywork to keep me occupied for around fifteen minutes, but it was so boring that I often considered getting up and just leaving. Of course I didn't, because I had already received my first paycheck, and boy does it feel good to get money.
Another thing that changed was that I was given reading material. I wasn't told why or what the project was, I was just given around a thousand pages of dense business speak paperwork, (in a foreign language!) and told to study. I did study it, but it was an unrealistic amount, so I focused on getting the just of it all and learning some new words.
I saved the biggest change for last. my entire office and then some was compelled to attend a seminar on coding for a business process designer. It was the project the big head had talked about months ago. I was excited and did my best, while keeping ahead of the mindless busywork that 'M' threw my way.
You know what? Here I'll just tell you guys the punchline, which otherwise won't happen for another month. Ready? Ok. The point about reading all that documentation was that there was an underlying process to be studied, and my boss wanted this process to be automated using the business process management software. If I had known this, I would have asked different questions to the seminar lecturer, and I would have definitely attacked the hundreds upon hundreds of pages differently.
Now try to forget the punchline. My mindset at the end of the month was only slightly pessimistic. I figured it is normal to start off small, and that if I do a good job with my busywork, and if I learn enough from the seminar, I'll be fine in the long run.
One change was that 'M', the balding young man, started giving me busywork. Most of it was horrible, and could easily have been programmed by somebody even halfway competent, so I learned how to program it myself. Basically, I had to debug rich formatted contract templates. Usually he would give me enough busywork to keep me occupied for around fifteen minutes, but it was so boring that I often considered getting up and just leaving. Of course I didn't, because I had already received my first paycheck, and boy does it feel good to get money.
Another thing that changed was that I was given reading material. I wasn't told why or what the project was, I was just given around a thousand pages of dense business speak paperwork, (in a foreign language!) and told to study. I did study it, but it was an unrealistic amount, so I focused on getting the just of it all and learning some new words.
I saved the biggest change for last. my entire office and then some was compelled to attend a seminar on coding for a business process designer. It was the project the big head had talked about months ago. I was excited and did my best, while keeping ahead of the mindless busywork that 'M' threw my way.
You know what? Here I'll just tell you guys the punchline, which otherwise won't happen for another month. Ready? Ok. The point about reading all that documentation was that there was an underlying process to be studied, and my boss wanted this process to be automated using the business process management software. If I had known this, I would have asked different questions to the seminar lecturer, and I would have definitely attacked the hundreds upon hundreds of pages differently.
Now try to forget the punchline. My mindset at the end of the month was only slightly pessimistic. I figured it is normal to start off small, and that if I do a good job with my busywork, and if I learn enough from the seminar, I'll be fine in the long run.
Getting (and loosing) a Job Overseas - Month 1
I was called to my first day of work at an extremely inconvenient time, but they had already made up my contract (without asking!) so I rushed off to work. It took half of the day just to take care of the paperwork involved. The ladies of HR were extremely kind though, and encouraging. I think they were hired because they had that personality. I had lunch with them, and afterwards my flustered and nervous boss stomped into the office to pick me up. She angrily mentioned that she hadn't been informed that I was coming on that day, and already feeling loyal to the ladies of HR, I didn't mention that I hadn't known either.
My new owner tugged my leash through the halls of her organization department, introducing me one by one to my new coworkers. They had no interest in me whatsoever. I asked a few questions which were readily dismissed as something I would get used to, and in a few minutes I was left to my devices to vegetate for the rest of the day.
Two days later I got a computer, and by that time I was in a quasi friendly relationship with one heavily pregnant coworker. She helped me call the help desk and set up my email, and explained to me what different offices were responsible. She was really invaluable, because in those days I hadn't seen my boss even once, and I was getting a pretty obvious silent treatment from the coworkers in my office. Occasionally they would return my 'hello's, but I had given up on 'goodbye'.
In the office, I was getting used to my four silent coworkers, and in the absence of banter and things to do, I had plenty of time to observe them.
There was one very fashionable and stick thin girl, 'T' with an asymmetrical haircut and large sad eyes, and she came to work consistently five minutes late. She and I went to lunch exactly two times, once when she asked, and once when I asked. She asked a lot of questions about the US, and never once failed to mention some pseudoscience about the mass engineered poisons we're all forced to eat there.
Then there was a young but balding man, 'M' who whistled contentedly as he strolled back and forth from the office. He had an artificially slow and Ljubljana drawl (clearly cultivated that way, since he also made the typical Nova Gorica mistakes). His ringtone was set to a wolf howl for his wife, which was amusing to me, since often he would stand with his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth, as I imagine a wolf does.
Then there was a completely bald and not so young man 'S', startlingly handsome and always elegantly dressed, who never said an unnecessary word. Even when he talked he was completely silent.
Did I say silent? Well, silent with one exception... one middle aged and heavyset woman, 'V' with a voice as soothing as a barrel of cats was constantly rasping her way through calls which clearly annoyed her. When she wasn't talking, she was saying 'aha.. aha... aha.. aha..' so rhythmically that it made me want to bite her telephone cord in half. But she brought candy to the office, so I suppose it was alright.
In addition to the permanent members of our merry band of misfits, there were a couple regulars. A gentle and soft voiced woman 'L' was constantly coming for advice and support. Another woman was coming for gossip. Another blustery moustached man came to joke with 'V', and told me many times that I didn't have to minimize my screen when he came in.
Then, every once in a while, my boss would come in. She always asked me how I was doing, I always said I was a bit bored, and she always said that I would get something to do soon.
In short, I spent an entire month coming to work int he morning, leaving work in the evening, and doing absolutely nothing for the company. Not a single task, not even data entry, was given to me for an entire month. I wasn't bored, I worked on my thesis.
My new owner tugged my leash through the halls of her organization department, introducing me one by one to my new coworkers. They had no interest in me whatsoever. I asked a few questions which were readily dismissed as something I would get used to, and in a few minutes I was left to my devices to vegetate for the rest of the day.
Two days later I got a computer, and by that time I was in a quasi friendly relationship with one heavily pregnant coworker. She helped me call the help desk and set up my email, and explained to me what different offices were responsible. She was really invaluable, because in those days I hadn't seen my boss even once, and I was getting a pretty obvious silent treatment from the coworkers in my office. Occasionally they would return my 'hello's, but I had given up on 'goodbye'.
In the office, I was getting used to my four silent coworkers, and in the absence of banter and things to do, I had plenty of time to observe them.
There was one very fashionable and stick thin girl, 'T' with an asymmetrical haircut and large sad eyes, and she came to work consistently five minutes late. She and I went to lunch exactly two times, once when she asked, and once when I asked. She asked a lot of questions about the US, and never once failed to mention some pseudoscience about the mass engineered poisons we're all forced to eat there.
Then there was a young but balding man, 'M' who whistled contentedly as he strolled back and forth from the office. He had an artificially slow and Ljubljana drawl (clearly cultivated that way, since he also made the typical Nova Gorica mistakes). His ringtone was set to a wolf howl for his wife, which was amusing to me, since often he would stand with his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth, as I imagine a wolf does.
Then there was a completely bald and not so young man 'S', startlingly handsome and always elegantly dressed, who never said an unnecessary word. Even when he talked he was completely silent.
Did I say silent? Well, silent with one exception... one middle aged and heavyset woman, 'V' with a voice as soothing as a barrel of cats was constantly rasping her way through calls which clearly annoyed her. When she wasn't talking, she was saying 'aha.. aha... aha.. aha..' so rhythmically that it made me want to bite her telephone cord in half. But she brought candy to the office, so I suppose it was alright.
In addition to the permanent members of our merry band of misfits, there were a couple regulars. A gentle and soft voiced woman 'L' was constantly coming for advice and support. Another woman was coming for gossip. Another blustery moustached man came to joke with 'V', and told me many times that I didn't have to minimize my screen when he came in.
Then, every once in a while, my boss would come in. She always asked me how I was doing, I always said I was a bit bored, and she always said that I would get something to do soon.
In short, I spent an entire month coming to work int he morning, leaving work in the evening, and doing absolutely nothing for the company. Not a single task, not even data entry, was given to me for an entire month. I wasn't bored, I worked on my thesis.
Getting (and loosing) a Job Overseas - Prologue
I did not get my job in the traditional way, through interviews and resumes and searches. Instead I participated in a competition for an internship at a local business, organized through university channels.
The way the competition was formulated gave me an idea of what I was getting myself into. Firstly, they did not offer any idea of whether the internship would be paid, for what duration, or what the expectations and needs of the organization were. Secondly, the requirements were only an age limit and participation in a university, but the required information was comparatively demanding, basically amounting to a resume. Thirdly, the rules seemed to be flexible. The webpage changed a couple times, and although it vaguely mentioned an international competition, it wasn't clear what the time frame for this would be, or how that particular competition would be set up.
Many people, when I told them I was participating, asked, "Are you sure this isn't just a glorified and particularly demanding interview process?" and I'd answer "I'm pretty sure this is just a glorified and particularly demanding interview process!". The competition only required us to present a project with a five page writeup. We had to work in pairs (to prove our dedication to teamwork), and submit in English (because the company is international).
My partner was fairly lazy, and wasn't particularly excitable or motivatable, but I intended to WIN this glorified interview process, so I picked up the slack. I wrote up an inane project in one evening, and finished the slides only minutes before the deadline. Minutes after the deadline my partner called to ask me if I had time to meet and discuss the project. Ha.
When the presentation date rolled in, I got increasingly nervous. More and more people were asking what my chances were of winning, and to be true, I had not a single clue. I needn't have worried, once the competition was underway, my project was clearly the best idea, the most prepared, and the best presented. I launched into my presentation with enthusiasm and conviction. My partner stood by my side with his mouth hanging open. People asked me how I had come here, what I was doing here, what I was studying. They wanted to know how I managed to live here, why I wanted to stay here, what I did before coming here. It was clear that I hadn't sold my idea, I sold myself.
The awards ceremony wasn't until the next month, so for a few uncomfortable months I was reliving those minutes and wondering if I had really won or if there was another chance to get into the organization. I didn't have to worry. They sweetened the deal for all the competitors. We were served champagne, truffles and all manner of finger foods. We were treated to a small concert of talented musicians. We were announced tri-lingually and praised by the president of the bank and the dean of the university as the talented students who could change the world regardless of winning status. And then we won. It all went into my head for a bit, and for several hours I was even proud.
In the next months though, I was not so happy. I knew I had earned an internship, but human resources was ignoring my emails and calls. Clearly what I had won was really being an intern on retainer.
Finally, nearly four months later, I got a call and was invited to a meeting with one of the big heads. He informed me that the company would be rolling out a few very important projects, and without going into details, stressed that someone with my background would be vital. I agreed that I would like to do something suitable to my background, and so he basically informed me that I was hired (of course with a few 'ifs') and introduced me to my new boss.
She was a woman whose voices sounded twenty odd years older than her face looked. I had a really hard time understanding her thick accent (in a language foreign to me!) and I was distracted by her office, which was filled with random containers of dead flowers. She talked and talked and talked about needing someone who understands processes, and I nodded along until finally I had a job.
The way the competition was formulated gave me an idea of what I was getting myself into. Firstly, they did not offer any idea of whether the internship would be paid, for what duration, or what the expectations and needs of the organization were. Secondly, the requirements were only an age limit and participation in a university, but the required information was comparatively demanding, basically amounting to a resume. Thirdly, the rules seemed to be flexible. The webpage changed a couple times, and although it vaguely mentioned an international competition, it wasn't clear what the time frame for this would be, or how that particular competition would be set up.
Many people, when I told them I was participating, asked, "Are you sure this isn't just a glorified and particularly demanding interview process?" and I'd answer "I'm pretty sure this is just a glorified and particularly demanding interview process!". The competition only required us to present a project with a five page writeup. We had to work in pairs (to prove our dedication to teamwork), and submit in English (because the company is international).
My partner was fairly lazy, and wasn't particularly excitable or motivatable, but I intended to WIN this glorified interview process, so I picked up the slack. I wrote up an inane project in one evening, and finished the slides only minutes before the deadline. Minutes after the deadline my partner called to ask me if I had time to meet and discuss the project. Ha.
When the presentation date rolled in, I got increasingly nervous. More and more people were asking what my chances were of winning, and to be true, I had not a single clue. I needn't have worried, once the competition was underway, my project was clearly the best idea, the most prepared, and the best presented. I launched into my presentation with enthusiasm and conviction. My partner stood by my side with his mouth hanging open. People asked me how I had come here, what I was doing here, what I was studying. They wanted to know how I managed to live here, why I wanted to stay here, what I did before coming here. It was clear that I hadn't sold my idea, I sold myself.
The awards ceremony wasn't until the next month, so for a few uncomfortable months I was reliving those minutes and wondering if I had really won or if there was another chance to get into the organization. I didn't have to worry. They sweetened the deal for all the competitors. We were served champagne, truffles and all manner of finger foods. We were treated to a small concert of talented musicians. We were announced tri-lingually and praised by the president of the bank and the dean of the university as the talented students who could change the world regardless of winning status. And then we won. It all went into my head for a bit, and for several hours I was even proud.
In the next months though, I was not so happy. I knew I had earned an internship, but human resources was ignoring my emails and calls. Clearly what I had won was really being an intern on retainer.
Finally, nearly four months later, I got a call and was invited to a meeting with one of the big heads. He informed me that the company would be rolling out a few very important projects, and without going into details, stressed that someone with my background would be vital. I agreed that I would like to do something suitable to my background, and so he basically informed me that I was hired (of course with a few 'ifs') and introduced me to my new boss.
She was a woman whose voices sounded twenty odd years older than her face looked. I had a really hard time understanding her thick accent (in a language foreign to me!) and I was distracted by her office, which was filled with random containers of dead flowers. She talked and talked and talked about needing someone who understands processes, and I nodded along until finally I had a job.
Getting (and loosing) a Job Overseas - Introduction
As time goes by, I become more and more bitter about my experiences with my last employer, and my first official employer overseas. I think it would be a good idea to provide a retrospective blog about the entire experience, over 16 posts, or 15 months plus the hiring process, so that I can therapeutically process my feelings of anger and disappointment in a less internal way.
The people I met and the things I did definitely added quite a few stories to my life, and only in that sense am I happy with the experience. On the other hand, the colossal waste of time, energy, talent, and goodwill in the organization are depressing. I don't intend to lecture, but I would like to just present the experience as I saw it, expanding and contracting eventually for readability, and maybe, eventually even turn it into a little book with some extra anecdotes.
The people I met and the things I did definitely added quite a few stories to my life, and only in that sense am I happy with the experience. On the other hand, the colossal waste of time, energy, talent, and goodwill in the organization are depressing. I don't intend to lecture, but I would like to just present the experience as I saw it, expanding and contracting eventually for readability, and maybe, eventually even turn it into a little book with some extra anecdotes.
This morning I saw two beautiful things which both enriched my day and improved my mood.
1) I saw the first delicate shoots of my garden! I am always happy when the seeds finally manage to germinate:)
2) Cliche, but so what... The sky was made out of such a firey red that it was all I could do to avoid going back home and getting my camera.
1) I saw the first delicate shoots of my garden! I am always happy when the seeds finally manage to germinate:)
2) Cliche, but so what... The sky was made out of such a firey red that it was all I could do to avoid going back home and getting my camera.
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